On Chasing Dreams That Don't Stand Still
When the goalpost is always moving, do we ever fully catch up?
Welcome back to Haunted Books & Haunted Girls, a newsletter all about writing and ghosts. I’m so happy that you’re here. Today, we’re talking about those pesky, always-moving goalposts within publishing—and any creative industry, really. If you haven’t subscribed already, please consider signing up below (for free!), so you never miss an issue of this newsletter. It’s always spooky szn here.
As writers, we do a lot of things for our past selves.
We write the books we needed to read when we were younger, the books we wish we held in our hands so many years ago. We work through unresolved angst or trauma (and consequently make our characters deal with it too). We take pieces of ourselves and where we’ve been, and sprinkle them on the page.
Something I think about a lot is what my past self would say if she could see where I am now. When I was querying, there was nothing I wanted more than to be agented. I wanted it so badly that there was a palpable, tangible ache inside me at all times. That wanting felt like it was outside of me, like it was something I could touch. I thought about my book and my outstanding queries constantly; I checked that Query Tracker timeline more often than I’ll ever admit. I believed that once I was agented, that visceral determination, that want, would naturally subside.
But it didn’t. It just changed shape.
The thing I am learning, and the thing that I hear from every writing friend, is that feeling—that clawing desire to cross some sort of mile-marker—it never goes away. At every stage of this journey that is publishing, there is something that you want. Something that you’re working toward. And when you get it, there’s something else immediately waiting in the wings, ready to be wanted next.
And I think this is true for a lot of other industries, especially those framed around some kind of creative output. Because you never really reach a definitive finish line, and every milestone or accomplishment is tinged with the awareness that nothing is guaranteed after. You could get an agent, but never sell a book. You could land your debut, but not any others. You could publish 10 titles, and then run dry. You could, you could, you could.
But this, of course, is so depressing to think about, and absolutely not what I want people to take away from this post. That sort of mental framework doesn’t do anyone any good. And in many ways, that’s just life, right? Nothing is guaranteed, ever! But we still have to try.
This is where I think it’s important to celebrate little wins. Those mile-markers that might not make it onto social media, ones that aren’t necessarily demanding of any formal announcement, but can and should feel good nonetheless. Finish a draft? Commission some character art for yourself. Secured a blurb from a dream author? Buy a bouquet of flowers for your desk. Hit a certain follower count on social? Get those gold balloons! They’re not cringe, they’re cute. (And even if they are a little cringe, so what. As the great Taylor Alison Swift once said, “Learn to live alongside cringe.”)
Because the more we find to celebrate in between those biiiiig milestones, the less pressure we might feel to reach the next major one. The more we’re able to honor all of our successes, that gnawing ache—the one that’s been there since you decided you wanted to write and realized that nothing else will ever come close to sufficing—might just hurt a little less.
And if nothing else, I think we need to do that for our past selves. The ones who wanted the things we may have now, who would be elated to know that all of that determination did pay off. I think it’s worth taking a minute to remember where you started, and to keep pushing forward for that person you used to be.
While we’re at it, think even further back to your childhood self, who may have started with the simplest want of all: Just to be a writer. The little kid version of you who wasn’t ruminating over industry milestones, but simply daydreamed about other worlds and what it would be like to bring them to life.
So. Imagine what your past self would say if they could see you now.
I’m willing to bet that they’d likely think, Wow, we get to do that? Cool.
Currently Working On…
I’m in revision mode lately, both for my secret Halloween project (which I’ll get to announce oh-so-soon) and my haunted sea book, which is a YA dark fantasy/horror. This is the second project I’ve ever sent to my agent and I’m super-excited about getting it ready for the next step.
My WIP, which I’ve referred to as Blood WIP, is sitting in the time-out corner for a little while.
Behind-the-Scenes…
Sharing an aesthetic grid I made recently for my sea book. I love this book with my whole heart and can’t wait to tell you all more about it one day.
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