An Exorcism for Toxic Positivity
Welcome back to Haunted Books & Haunted Girls, a newsletter all about writing and ghosts. I’m so happy that you’re joining me. If you haven’t subscribed already, please consider signing up below (for free!), so you never miss an issue of this newsletter. It’s always spooky szn here.
It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? “Start a newsletter,” they said! “It’ll be easy to update regularly,” they said! (That is how that saying goes, right?)
But we’re back with a fresh collection of thoughts, and some secret things in the works, and so I’d thought I’d kick off this official return with a topic that has been popping up a lot in my writing circles lately: toxic positivity.
In any creative endeavor, be it publishing or something else, there’s the inevitability of rejections. Of disappointments. Of getting so close but just not close enough. Of clearing one goalpost and then facing down the next. Rinse and repeat. It’s tempting to swallow the hurt, bury it beneath a pile of affirmations, and slap on a cheery grin each time. And maybe for a while that works! Maybe, for a while, you can run on snappy mantras and carefully woven positive vibes. But I don’t think that’s wholly sustainable when a person’s chosen career path is one that’s, by nature, saturated in the consistent potential for disappointment. Because with so many creative industries, it’s not just about talent or making a product that’s “good.” It’s also timing. It’s luck. It’s the stars aligning. It’s marketing and trends and lists. It’s a million and one little things outside of your control that could lead to someone saying No.
It’s impossible to smile your way through it all without something eventually cracking.
But the truth is, it’s not weak to admit that something hurts. If anything, it helps make you stronger to name those disappointments, give them teeth and a voice and let them exist for a time. If you bury enough of them, they’ll begin to consume you, turn everything inside you bitter with hardened edges. Why not set them free instead?
If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you probably know that duality is one of my favorite themes, and there’s no exception here—because we also need hope, right? Hope is not toxic. Hope is not a scam. Hope is not a jinx. You can and should have hope, because it’s something to hold onto, something to use as a north star when everything else feels murky and uncertain. But that doesn’t mean there’s no room left over for other feelings.
I think it’s crucial to keep a little balloon of hope in your heart while simultaneously making space to acknowledge the things that have caused you pain, to give them the time they need to thaw over. To light a candle for the book you may have shelved, to write a letter to the main character who taught you that yes, you CAN do this. To vent to the group text and cry to your friends.
To then, whenever it feels right, pull up the word (or scriv) doc and just keep writing.
Because ultimately, that’s the real way forward. It’s not manufactured positivity or shoving away anything that feels remotely sad out of fear of being negative; it’s letting yourself feel everything. Giving yourself permission to simply be human. A human doing a really, really hard thing. And when you’re ready, it’s gritting your teeth and cracking your knuckles and sitting down at your keyboard and writing what comes next. The blank screen will always be there, waiting for your words. Along with that next wave of hope.
If you’ve made it this far down the page, just know that I’m rooting for you, friends.
Currently Working On…
I’m between deadlines right now on some secret things that I am bursting at the seams to yell about. But hopefully I will get to share some cool news about a little spooky something-something very soon, so watch this space for more!
Behind The Scenes…
Speaking of that aforementioned spookiness, here’s a teaser in the form of a moodboard:
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